Beautiful Heartbreak

Gavin's tumor is gone and his bone scan was negative for bone metastases. Officially, "The mass in the right supraclavicular region partially surrounding the right vertebral artery is no longer evident." He's bald as a cue ball, but for the moment at least, cancer free.

It's no secret that I am a fan of touching music. My latest favorite tear-jerker is by Hilary Weeks, Beautiful Heartbreak. It has touched me, almost defined me recently. I hope I continue to move forward and do all that I can with the gifts that Heavenly Father has given me. He's given me yet another chance, but he has, with this chance, also given me some valuable perspective and motivation backed by good old-fashioned hardship.

Although I would not hesitate to (obviously since I do it for free), I am not a paid endorser of Mrs. Weeks, I just love her music and how it touches me and her voice is so beautiful, even more so in person. I'm sure it won't get around to her with my 2 or 3 readers, so I don't think I'll get sued, but I've included credits below, just in case because I don't need the lawyer fees on top of the medical bills!

Please watch the video AND read the words. We've all had hardships, some so much harder than others and mine may be miniscule next to someone else's, but I'm trying to look at the view that I have on this side, having faced something I never thought I would be able to survive. I'm trying to make sure that I don't just run away from the trials that have gotten me where I am. We are where we are in life not in spite of the things we have been through but because of them. I'm not saying a trial or hardship has to define us. I just want for myself to be able to use whatever part of what I've experienced that will make me a better tool for Heavenly Father to be what defines and shapes me, not the bad stuff. Then, I want to use that to help me shape my children into people that can do the same thing.

Music and Lyrics by Tyler Castleton and Hilary Weeks:

"I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.

I knew there was no way to move it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found...

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground.

Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak."

I hope to use Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as examples as I raise my sons into men. I hope to live a good life to set a good example for them. I want them to want their own families to be like ours. I hope they make good choices and also set good examples for those around them. I will always give them lots of chances, but there will be some consequences that will be impossible for me to shield them from. No matter how much I try to protect them, I won't be able to protect them from everything, of this I am sure. I want them to use what they learn from me and their father, from church, from friends and other family, from life, to use everything for good. Not just for themselves, but also for those around them. I want them to learn and realize that knowledge is not just important but essential and to never stop learning. Mostly, I want them to know that their mother knows that she is so blessed to be their mother and that I thank the Lord every chance I have that he has entrusted me with them both. I am so blessed in so many ways, too many to count, and I want them to feel the same and that when they try and count their countless blessings that they count me in there somewhere.